Guardian’s Travels: Undercover

“Guardian, I have a special assignment for you for the Labor Day weekend.”

“No can do, Michelle. I’m off to Boston to watch my Cleveland Guardians beat the Red Sox.” “First, they’re still the Indians until next season. Second, I know. While you’re there I want you to check out the marijuana dispensary at the corner of Main and Gateway. Let me know how legal marijuana sales work so we can better understand the new reality.”

“Aye aye, Mon Capitan!”

Guardian packed his bags carefully for this undercover assignment. “Have to look like one of the cool kids so no one knows I’ve never used marijuana. Grab a Brooklyn Nets cap and a box of Cracker Jack. Maybe there’s a tattoo inside that I can put on.”

Flying low to read the street signs, he made it to Main and Gateway. “Put on my shades so no one realizes I’m a bird.” Our hero strolled in cool and confident. Upon entering, he saw not a marijuana dispensary, but what looked like a combination florist, PTA bake sale, and jewelry store. “Excuse me, I’m looking for the marijuana joint. HAH! Get it? Marijuana joint … Well, I thought it was funny.”

“We’re a dispensary, Bro. What sort of marijuana do you want? We sell liquids, wax, chocolates, candies, flowers, and hashish. What is it you’re looking for?”

“Maybe I should buy gummies and hard candies to support the local athletic league. WHOA! How much do they need for uniforms in Boston?! Let me take a look at the flowers, maybe I can bring a bouquet back to Michelle. Excuse me, sir. I think someone forgot the decimal point when they put up the price sign. These are far too expensive. I could grow my own rose garden for less.”

“Quality costs money, Bro. Let’s make this simple, I got other things to do today. You want to buy high quality marijuana, expect to pay about $340 per ounce. Medium quality cuts the price to $280. You can smoke it like a cigarette or in a bong, use a concentrate like shatter or wax to get a strong concentrate, eat it in candies or brownies which will take effect in about 30 minutes, or use a cream or spray. Any questions?” “Just one. Is CBD oil the same as marijuana?”

“Sort of like decaf is the same as coffee. You’re familiar with coffee, Bro? Your CBD has less than 0.3% THC. Your concentrates -- hard shatter, see that stuff that looks like peanut brittle, and wax -- are 90% THC.”

“One more question.”

“TCH is the stuff that makes you high, Bro!”